Murder Simulators.
Don't let your kids near these murder simulators!
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Last Beat: 16th Jan 2012 / Total Beats: 814 / Total Time: 8279:34 hours
Squirter Simulators!
The other day, a most outrageous thought struck me as I absently watched the kids in my neighborhood playing in the street. These young kids were actively participating in Murder Simulation. What seemed like innocent childish play at first was, instead, a nefarious mental and physical conditioning for a future of violence and murder. You see, these kids (boys and girls!) were "playing" with squirt guns.
Squirt guns and their ilk are dangerous physical appliances that teach a kid how to kill efficiently and to love it. The most basic squirt gun is modeled with craftsman-like precision to imitate real guns. Some even provide "squirters" with vibration-feedback, effectively turning the act of squirt gun fights into a kind of mental masturbation! And don't think it ends simply at my neighborhood street. This insanity is a world-wide epidemic orchestrated by the highest echelons of our government! I learned on the internet that the US Military is using squirt guns to train our nation's troops. They're literally using modified versions of these guns, as well as their own guns, to do one thing: to break down the inhibition to kill among new recruits. That's right! Our military is training troops to kill!
And it gets worse, people. Think of the water balloon. It's not such an innocent toy when you consider the inevitable result of encouraging your kids to play with them. There's really little difference between a water balloon and a grenade. In a child's eyes, they're both thrown with the same intent! Some kids even add food-coloring to their water, reinforcing their murderous fantasies.
If a child grows bored of the standard squirt gun, companies like "Nerf" are there to provide more complex murder simulators with their "Super Soaker" line of murder simulators. These things are the definition of evil, with their high-powered pump-action mechanisms which can shoot streams of water with compressed air. And don't even get me started on the gun-like apparatus you can screw onto the end of any ordinary garden hose. Talk about giving kids virtually unlimited ammunition to explore their most depraved imaginings! This is not rocket science. When a kid who has never killed anyone in his life goes on a rampage and looks like the Terminator, he's a squirt gunner!
I, for one, have had enough. I am a one-man squirt gun wrecking crew! I love the smell of burning squirt guns in the morning, and I'm making it my personal mission to expose the squirt gun industry's evil intentions in whatever way I can. I encourage you to join my righteous cause. If you see a kid playing with a squirt gun, immediately take it away and burn it. Then tell the parents why you did what you did. With any luck, they'll keep their kids inside the house and playing video games, safe from other kids who would incite them to join in on the squirt gun murder simulations.
I want to kill children…. In Skyrim. Now Playing
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